You either know what I am referring to in my title, or you have no idea.  Look up the video for some hilarious trolling of mainland Chinese gamers.

I’m finally back!  Not that I went anywhere.  I have plenty of excuses of why I haven’t posted in so long, but no more excuses.  After a couple tries, I got my password right, and here I am typing away.  I missed some peak crafting and feasting holidays, so hope everyone had memorable and joyous celebrations with friends and family over the last few months.

My family was fortunate to celebrate one last Christmas with one of my aunts on my dad’s side.  She passed away last week, so we just had her funeral.  When I was younger, I’d excitedly look forward to being older.  Older meant being able to drive, go to college, go to clubs, earn more money, travel more, buy nice things, upgrade to even nicer things, etc.  But I forgot that growing older meant everyone else grows older too.  My family members, especially the older ones are having more health problems.  I’ve already lost several relatives, and too often I hear of friends losing parents.  That scares me because my parents are definitely not as healthy as they were a few years ago.

When my aunt passed, it was a bit of a wake up call.  Many of the photos I saw at her viewing were of her surrounded by loved ones, traveling with my uncle, and it looked like she really enjoyed her life.  I am always impressed, amazed, and a little jealous when I hear of people who live life to their fullest doing kick ass things and going to kick ass places.  It’s not like I can’t do it, but I wonder how they wade out of life’s bullshit in order to do it.  My days are a blur of humdrum routine.  I am grateful for a stable life, but as Ariel sang it, I want more.  I’m not sure how to take my first steps in order to feel more fulfilled.  Just the other day I was looking at the On This Day posts on Facebook, and I read something I wrote in 2007.  Back then, I was in grad school and just getting started with my professional life, and I wanted to do so much to help people.  (I was in social work).  I wanted to touch people’s lives, and somehow life just happened.  I turned into a negative, naysayer grown up stuck in my dull grown up life, and who have I helped lately?!  I keep looking for a lifesaver to drag me back to where I want to be, but that’s not going to work.  I need to swim my ass out, but man I suck at swimming.  I really do.

Wtf, what am I even writing.  I had this post all planned out in my mind, and I was going to write about the project I just finished yesterday.

My mom left for Taiwan yesterday to visit her sisters.  One of my aunts is an artist, like, a legit artist who went to art school, published books of her works, and teaches art class.  When I was little, she went to art school in D.C., so she stayed with us and helped raise us.  I attribute my love for arts and crafts to her early introduction and lessons.  Her health has been pretty bad for the last few years and she is unable to fly over to visit anymore.  When Zoe showed an interest in arts and crafts, I had these dreams of my aunt giving her lessons over the years.  They would certainly be more lenient and pleasant than my childhood lessons.  Somehow once a parent or in this case parent figure becomes a grandparent, they morph from strict authoritative taskmaster to cooing, warm and fuzzies, and lots of candy.  Unfortunately, we can only visit so often, but Zoe has been to Taiwan twice already, and she loves it, and my aunts obviously love her to pieces.

So a few days before my mom left, I was struck with this idea to make something for my aunt.  I’ve shown my aunt pictures of projects I’ve made, but I haven’t made anything for her yet.  I guess this was kind of like a rite of passage for a pupil to show her master how much she has progressed.  My idea was a bit involved, but I worked on it nonstop for 3 days and got it done and delivered.  I made a felt map of Taiwan with iconic images that are hopefully recognizable to people who are familiar with Taiwan.  I wanted to express my love for Taiwan and arts and crafts.

My love for Taiwan is kind of hard to explain.  I was born in America, this will always be my home, I love this country, and I have no intention of moving elsewhere.  But, I spent many childhood summers in Taiwan, and I feel a deep and heartfelt connection to Taiwan.  I think this is a sentiment that some of my ABC (American born Chinese) friends, or native Taiwanese friends may share.  By the way, I’m only talking about Taiwan.  Even though I am Chinese, I have no ties and very little love for mainland China.

It’s ironic.  My written and spoken Chinese is horrible and I’ve forgotten much of my history lessons from my East Asian studies days.  When I visit Taiwan, it’s painfully obvious that I am a foreigner, an ABC.  I may have the same hair, eye, and skin color, but I don’t dress like the natives, I don’t walk like them, or carry myself like them, and when I open my mouth, it’s just confirmation that I don’t truly belong.  When people hear me speak my Chinglish, the reactions are basically “Wtf is wrong with your Chinese?” or “Ooh your Chinese is so good…for an American.”  So it’s a little ironic and strange to me that even though I know I will always be an outsider, my heart still swells with joy when I go back, and when it’s time to go home, I feel like I am leaving a piece of me behind.  It’s also interesting that when people speak of visiting Taiwan, in Chinese they use the word for “return.”  So when translated to English, they say I am returning to Taiwan, instead of I am going to or vacationing in Taiwan.  Even us ABC’s use that word, as if we are off to the homeland.

I really want my daughter to feel a similar love and connection to Taiwan.  She is only half Chinese, and it’s been difficult for me to teach her Chinese…everything, since it’s like the blind leading the blind.  So far she has been very receptive to Chinese school and she’s already made good memories in Taiwan.  My biggest fear is that my aunt will pass away before Zoe really gets to know her.  It is a gripping, painful fear that hits me whenever I hear of my aunt having a particularly hard time overcoming some new issue, or having to switch meds, etc.  It’s not exactly an easy or cheap trip to fly around the world all the time, so it fills me with anxiety that the clock is counting down, and we only have a limited time left with her.  I mentioned plural aunts, and I love my other aunt dearly.  But I have a special place in my heart for my artist aunt, since she had a big hand in raising me, and she taught me so much.

I’ve written a lot more than I had planned, and it got a little dark, so let me wrap things up.  Like I said, the little icons I made are hopefully recognizable.  But in case you can’t tell what the heck I made, I’ll give a brief explanation.  Starting from the top left, that is the Taiwan flag.  Underneath that is the Maokong Gondola, Zoe’s absolute favorite place to visit in Taiwan.  The view from the gondola, especially if you get in one with the see through floor, is beautiful.  The bridge is Lover’s Bridge in Tamsui.  Tamsui is a great place to spend a few hours exploring: tons of vendors, street food, ferry ride, historic buildings, and scenic views.  Next to that is Taipei 101, which used to be the world’s tallest building.  Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall is a national monument.  That is a cup of bubble tea next to the memorial since Taiwan is where bubble tea originated.  Man is bubble tea super cheap and tasty in Taiwan!  $1 USD will get you a large delicious cup that is normally $4-5 here.  Great for the wallet, horrible for the waistline.  Under that is a red lantern.  The mountains represent Sun Moon Lake.  Some of the most gorgeous scenery I’ve ever seen were at Sun Moon Lake.  Next to that is a steamer of soup dumplings.  I know soup dumplings are a Shanghainese specialty, but when in Taiwan, Din Tai Fung is a crucial stop.  Their location in Hong Kong even has a Michelin star, but anyways, their food is damn good.  I went last time, and I was skeptical because I heard even their fried rice was outstanding.  I tried their fried rice, and holy shit it was freaking good.  Their soup dumplings are the best I’ve had, and they have dessert dumplings with chocolate filling.  Okok, I can write several paragraphs about the place if I don’t stop now.  Under the soup dumplings is a squid on a stick.  Squid on a stick is a popular street food, actually you can find various foods on a stick all over the place.  This squid represents the myriads of street foods that have me salivating right now.  Next to the squid is a bowl of beef noodle soup, another popular food.  Next to that is a pot of tea, because Taiwan produces good tea.  The waterfall on the southern tip represents the various waterfalls and other beautiful places to visit outside of the cities.  Those are scuba fins in the water.  I’ve never been to that area of Taiwan, but I know there are amazing diving spots in the south.  Oh yeah, I sewed the words Taiwan in Chinese.  That took freaking forever!  I didn’t even know what the second character looked like so I had to Google it, and of course it’s a super complicated character with many strokes.  Those 2 Chinese characters were over an hour right there.  I wanted to add some more to the map, but I ran out of time.  I really like how the map turned out.  Maybe I will make one for my home.  Oh and props to my husband for busting out the sewing machine and sewing the edges, and sawing and drilling my dowel.  My photography skills suck.  I have to say, in person, this map looks amazing.  It really does!